NiQ

the prisons of our lives

2006-10-31T16:22:00.000+08:00

"Prisons are the temples where devils learn to prey.
Every time we turn the key we twist the knife of fate,
because every time we cage a man we close him in with hate."

- 'Shantaram', Gregory David Roberts

the lion tamer

2006-10-11T02:50:00.000+08:00

pic is courtesy of my ingenious sister who's now quite a whizz at photoshop! haha... thank you, dear, for the dita von teese map! 'tis a lovely effort!
wish i could've been there to celebrate your 20th in melbourne, but no worries, we'll go out when you come back! (or if i can make it there to visit)
i miss you and love you always. take care!

24

2006-10-08T04:40:00.000+08:00

and so, one year older, one year wiser;
i'm sure, deep down, we really do learn.
help me to see the good in people more clearly;
to discern the bad more thoroughly;
and may all my shades of grey
turn into rainbows of black and white.

divinity

2006-10-06T01:34:00.000+08:00

Reason is our soul's left hand, faith her right;
By these we reach divinity.

for Kit

2006-09-25T02:08:00.000+08:00

www.loveforkit.blogspot.com

every little bit counts. with love.

Possession

2006-09-20T02:01:00.000+08:00

"What is it? My dear?"
"Ah, how can we bear it?"
"Bear what?"
"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world."
"And everyday we shall have less. And then none."
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."

--A. S. Byatt, Possession

final days

2006-09-14T23:27:00.000+08:00

we only write when we're unhappy or upset, when life gets us down and doesn't live up to all we expect of it. tell me when you're full of joy, when something has driven you ecstatic - someone asked me once. i can't. i write because i am discontent and that discontent pushes the buttons in me. i can only produce beautiful words from intense poignancy.

my dissertation springs from an eternal well of unrequitted love.

"Love me," she said.
"I do."
"For real?" she asked.
"For always." he replied.

had we but world enough

2006-09-09T18:04:00.000+08:00

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

-Andrew Marvell-

places, spaces

2006-07-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

how do you seal off all the places you've blocked?
for good?
for better, for worse,
time heals all wounds,
maybe

settled my job, settled my living arrangements, settled my social life. so what is it? something's still bugging me, still affecting me horribly. it's the feeling of great unease, like the premonition of danger or pain. i can't understand it. i guess running off to New York will do me some good... countdown - 24days.

help.

i thank my darling sister for this...!

2006-05-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

Erotic Thriller

You've made your own rules in life - and sometimes that catches up with you.
Winding a web of deceit comes naturally, and no one really knows the true you.

Your best movie matches: Swimming Pool, Unfaithful, The Crush

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

if only my life was as exciting as that! but then, with all this going on, it's nearly as dramatic...

my husky called nanuk

2006-04-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

nanuk died today. it was swift and sudden, but relatively painless, for him.
at the end, his face was still a beautiful black and white,
the charcoal markings (like cleopatra's eyeliner) around his blue eyes.
he listened when everyone else wanted to talk.
he ran when i just wanted to walk.

i'll miss your soft furry ears, the birthmark on your snout,
i'll miss your little attention-seeking whine, and your deep rumbling growls.
you snapped at everyone else, but you never bit me.
we had an understanding, i'd like to think,
when you smiled with your knowing wink.

though you limped through most of your last months,
and your fur came off in clumps,
you were still the handsome husky
and i shall never look at another without thinking of you.

i love you and i miss you, my thinking, winking 'nuk.

one equal eternity

2006-04-15T14:50:00.000+08:00

every new beginning merits a beautiful litany, yes?

And into the gate they shall enter, and in that house they shall dwell,
where there shall be no cloud nor sun,
no darkness nor dazzling,
but one equal light,
no noise nor silence,
but one equal music,
no fears nor hopes,
but one equal possession,
no foes nor friends,
but one equal communion and identity,
no ends nor beginnings,
but one equal eternity.

[john donne]

with love, always

2006-04-06T14:14:00.000+08:00

for the one who never fails to make me laugh...

for he who is always astute...

for those who always listen but never judge...

and for the one who is always there...

in my most beautiful moments,
in my darkest despair,
i am forever blessed and eternally grateful.

with love, always.

no more judgement

2006-04-04T13:31:00.000+08:00

the process of letting go is one that comes in phases like waves.

first comes love, then comes marriage, then here's both of them with a baby carriage!

let's begin with the anger - it's blinding, all-encompassing and oh-so righteous, at first. how could you do that to me? you're sorry? i loved you, how could you? the wrath is almost pleasurable; all the things said in previous arguments take on greater weight as you throw it at the four walls once more. but then there's the pain, waiting just beneath the surface of that tide of judgement, waiting to just swallow you whole.

it doesn't take long for it to start to really hurt. the pain pierces most realistically in the region that makes most sense - the chest. it's most physical as you clutch your breast and double-over in agony, trying to breathe deeply, waiting for the wave to pass. seems like the brain has taken the initiative and indicated a higher consciousness to that area of the body just so you feel it. you feel the one emotion necessary to push you, shove you, bodily hurl you, right into the next stage -

guilt
1. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
2. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
see also guilty conduct; sin

why are you doing this? what did i do to deserve this clawing at my heart? is it me? was it that i didn't care enough? didn't show it enough? i didn't love you enough? a glimmer of rational thinking forces you to face cause and effect. it always takes two, doesn't it? Newton's third law of motion, the law of reciprocal actions - any force exerted by one body on a second creates an equal and opposite force in the second body that acts right back on the first. i deserve this treatment because of my many many many flaws. you have some kind of right to this; it's karma.

as you persist in this pursuit of rational sense, it forces you to ponder on what it was, what it has been. the however many days, weeks, months, years that have gone into the making of this thing, this relationship, this love seems distorted. and then the terrible sense of disappointment sets in. what a shame to have thrown it all away like that. was this always a lost cause? i've been banging my head against the wall, and with all that blood running down my face, i've been blinded to the simple fact that we're just not meant to be.

now, when i look at you, and everything that it was, there's just a well of sadness. anger, guilt and disappointment come into play now and then, but it is the dysphoria that is cresting. the last wave in letting you go is the one that is most assiduous. i know that once i gain the absolution from this poignancy, it will be my acquittal, my very own release.

we'll never need men

2006-03-23T16:19:00.000+08:00

and we'll never need men...

happy 24th, babe...

give me a world of shit, but never a dull moment

2006-03-23T01:53:00.000+08:00

it's been a while hasn't it, since i've had a real, proper entry...

so much has changed in the last few months and i suppose i owe it to my friends (the ones whom i hardly EVER see) to post intermittent updates.

it's brilliant how a single act can change the course of your life.

after a painful assertion of my right to liberty in one aspect of my life, i found the strength to break free from the chains that bound me in another. so now, jobless and partnerless, i'm finding new joy in the daily routine.

do not weep for you are not sad for me, but for yourself.

isn't life just a series of changes, alternately large and small, all interlinked and inevitably connected? "what if" and "if only" are the worst phrases you could possibly utter as you blunder along. what good would wishing and wondering do in this world where we get only one lifetime to make all the "best" decisions for ourselves?

i've pointed myself in this direction, and i will follow my finger.

it's infintely difficult not to look back and try to draw the veil, but with each step forward, i maintain this position and hold onto it with the strength of my conviction. as with everything, the journey is easier as i move forward; towards a new career, a new home and a new belief in me.

p.s: my apologies for these obscure pseudo-poetic entries; with major change, comes major emotional trauma. do we not grow but through fire? painful, but such a necessity.

Ode to My Youth

2006-03-12T07:38:00.000+08:00

Rip my heart out and let me be
Then it'll stand alone with no eyes to see.
With no ears to hear the different beats
And no nose or tongue to make my senses complete.

'Til all that's left is my heart that beats
That feels only chills and the burning heat
To mirror the slip and slide of time
'Twixt a Hades' glade to a pit divine.

-N-

Read Between the Lines

2006-03-08T07:57:00.000+08:00

Read between the lines my intolerable friend
(I'm especially neat and indefinitely kind)

The touch of your skin electrifies mine
So move ten feet away, please, do you mind?
I've learnt the distance placed between us
Navigate the route from carcass to carcass
Spin the roulette that brought you to me
As rich, Russian and rough it may be
The wheel stops another place and time
But it's you again! Isn't that divine -
You help yourself if you let me fly
If you punch me up I know you won't cry

So read between the lines baby, read between the lines...

-N-

Soul For Sale!

2006-03-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

One soul for sale, going cheap!
A little rough around the edges but still packed neat
It's cavernous spaces are less than filled
With sorrows and woes than with strawberry fields
Plenty of people within those walls
Very few roll big and most fold small.
Corners are padded with snuff, fluff and string
Remnants of sheer delight over small significant things
Gather the trinkets as you trot in
You just might find the answer to my everything.

One soul for sale, not that cheap!

-N- Friday, 3rd March 2006, 20:41

i'm leaving

2006-02-19T13:19:00.000+08:00

i'm leaving you one day
i have to
i'll die if i stay

i don't understand the hurt
you don't understand the pain
i tried my hardest

You threw it away

-N- (20th October 2005, 2:04am)

Dance of a Modern Marriage

2006-02-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

I've never fully realised the extent to which some of us, human beings, would go to in order to put out there a certain mindset that drives us. Just spent 2 whole nights filming an independent film - Dance of a Modern Marriage - and by tackling issues of sexuality and perversion crawling beneath the surface of society's "flawless" mask, the script forced me to reflect on the changing values of accepted perversion in the world we live in today.

The script tells of a couple whose marriage is in trouble, who decide that, in order to feel intimate toward each other, they need to join an orgy. It's the putting one's sexual self out there for other people completely, in a (risky) bid to find the attractive sexuality in a significant other.

Think Stanley Kubrick's "Eyes Wide Shut", in a local context. Quite strange ain't it? But it happens. We seem to think we are beyond the sexual, primal instincts and animalistic tendencies; but we aren't really. As cosmopolitan / civilised as we think we are, one cannot escape the prevalence of sexual urges that drives us.

Looks like there aren't really any truly sophisticated people who are completely detached from their loins; and the ones who say they are, are in complete denial.

My surprising lover

2006-02-07T17:52:00.000+08:00

The Surprising Lover

59% partner focus, 47% aggressiveness, 80% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical
or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when
it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing
a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Surprising Lover.

The Surprising Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and, like the
name implies, is often filled with hidden delights and talents that
might not be apparent from a surface knowledge of the person. The
Surprising Lover is rather like a geode--sometimes rough on the
exterior, but filled with beauty and wonder. The Surprising Lover is
thus a gem to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so
because they often tend to be humble and unwilling to reveal their
inner greatness unless they're in a rewarding relationship.

In terms of physical love, the Surprising Lover really shines,
often highly imaginative and utterly devoted to bringing the heights of
pleasure to the one that they truly love. Given a rewarding,
reciprocative relationship, and the right lover, the Surprising Lover
can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Carnal Lover (most of all) or the Exotic Lover, or the Suave Lover.

Congratulations!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 52% on partner focus
You scored higher than 37% on aggressiveness
You scored higher than 89% on adventurousness

The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos

goodbye my lover

2006-01-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the mother of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

-James Blunt

my road not taken

2006-01-16T14:39:00.000+08:00

what happens when along the journey of our relationship, 2 roads inevitably look to diverge in a wood, and you take the one less traveled by? would that leave me with an ultimatum, to trod down the path that was grassy and wanted wear, after you, so that we could walk hand in hand for company, or turn down the path (just as fair) but just as unknown? i know that i can never make a detour once i've taken a deep breath and run down either. so i'm standing still, further back from those inevitable crossroads, and trying to peer down to where it bends in the underwood, the leaves leading off into the darkness...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

quiz blitz

2006-01-09T14:58:00.000+08:00

What form of self-mutilation are you?

You are HAIR-PULLING.
Synopsis: People (mostly girls, Id guess) who practice this most likely do this with no rational thought between frustration and action. They anger easily and get frustrated when they dont get their own way, or they dont know how to express their feelings.
Positive trait: Social
Negative trait: Jumping to conclusions
Color: Pink
Emotion: Anger (at others)
Animal: Swan
Quote: Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still.

Take this quiz!

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content.
You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything.
A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better.

You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun.
A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours.
You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much.

At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness.
A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily.
You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

What Temperment Are You?

the ups & downs of it

2005-11-04T17:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes we're flying, sometimes we're falling. that's life, i suppose... ecstatic rush can so quickly be replaced by intense irritation it's so easy to question one's sanity.

what makes sense at one point of time may not be so logical in the next split second... heaving emotions spell imminent disaster for otherwise calm seas.

through it all we always manage to look happy in photos... maybe it's due largely to the fact that we take so few! but i'm glad the camera captures the good times. no one likes remembering the bad times... not that they don't exist, they merely diminish and disappear with every immortalization on film...

sex & diamonds

2005-10-27T15:50:00.000+08:00

Something ugly this way comes
Through my fingers sliding inside
All these blessings all these burns
I'm godless underneath your cover
Search for pleasure search for pain
In this world now I am undying
I unfurl my flag my nation helpless

Black black heart why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me to satisfy
I'm on fire I'm rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

As I begin to lose my grip
On these realities your sending
Taste your mind and taste your sex
I'm naked underneath your cover
Covers lie and we will bend and borrow
With the coming sign
The tide will take the sea will rise and time will rape

Black black heart why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me to satisfy
I'm on fire I'm rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

untalented

2005-10-21T14:13:00.000+08:00

sometimes when i think i understand you, you'll turn around and show me a new level of mean, a deeper degree of vindictiveness. how do i sit there and not defend myself? i'm not a saint, pure and unblemished! you hurt me and i'll hurt you back.

you're so personal so intentionally that when you deny that, i don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry my eyes out. so i take the path that offers immediate release - anger. i lash out to hurt you like i'm hurting. can't you see you cut me so deep what little rationality i'm clinging onto is lost out the window?

it's no excuse but it's an explanation.
we need no more ultimatums, we need compromises.
WE.
not you, not me.

i'm so not logical

2005-10-11T16:21:00.000+08:00

Your IQ Is 105

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

and it's official, i am the epitome of the female mindset... BELOW AVERAGE in terms of logical intelligence... and how is that so surprising?! guess it really isn't...!

backlog of photos

2005-10-05T11:14:00.000+08:00

the art of acting

leap into the great wide world

fuzz's birthday, blk6 kitchenette, land of many drunken parties

graduation & the friends i won't forget

intoxicated love

fight & flight

2005-09-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Warrior Android
Your Superpower is Soul Sold to Devil
Your Weakness is Itching
Your Weapon is Your Mystic Analyzer
Your Mode of Transportation is Tricycle

What's your Superhero Name?

dinglehoppers

2005-08-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

remember when the little mermaid in disney's kiddy version of a heartbreaking love story sang about things she couldn't understand? the oh-so-special dinglehopper...! she used a fork as a grooming tool and ran it through her silky mane, singing about how the grass is greener above than the sea fronds below.... contrary to what we'd like to think, we never really completely discard our adolescent longings even as real life is thrown smack in our faces.. what i would give to once again lie flat on my back with my hair spreadout around my head and run a fork (clean, of course) through the knots; it's been ages since my biggest problem in life was whether or not i fancied him like he fancied me....

isn't it strange how sentiments hover subconciously beneath the surface of our "toughened" hearts, only to surface when we least expect it and deliver one conscious bite in the tush....

pics and such

2005-06-29T10:29:00.000+08:00

thanks for the little prod in the right direction babe but help.... been trying for months to put up pics on this silly blog but, as u can see, i've failed miserably... might have to resort to using flickr but i don't really like the idea of having ANOTHER account online. plus, it's really troublesome for other ppl to keep being directed to another site, another window just to view pics... BUT 'hello' isn't user-friendly enough for lazy, IT-illiterate ol' me... *complain complain* :) but i will definitely be putting up some pics... er... soon....

a week and a bit into the new job and it's coming along pretty alright... no super-glam-fabulous events to attend yet but it definitely can't all be a bed of roses..! my only huge complaint is that i've definitely got less (or rather, NO) time for catching up with everyone who's back from the States, the UK and Aussieland. not that i had a lot of time in previous years to begin with... but now, with me giving tuition as well as working fulltime (and acting on the side) my schedule is pretty much pushed to the max... but i'm definitely missing everyone who's left this sunny isle so please give me a call when u get back! we might not be able to meet up, but we can have a nice chat at least... :)

been considering moving out of my parents' place for a couple of weeks now... i suppose it's always been my nature to try and break out of the boundaries set... fight for my freedom and independence, so to speak. now that i'm financially independent, it's easier for me to make an informed decision on my own... weighing the pros and cons of staying out and what not... it's quite a complicated process, all these factors and all these peoples' feelings to take into consideration... guess in the end, as my parents have so generously put it, it is ultimately my decision because it wld affect me the most.

bored at work

2005-06-22T10:34:00.000+08:00

2 days into my job and i've already got deadlines.. can u imagine?!!! :P but i suppose it's what they're paying me for... to actually do some work.. haha

been reading friends' blogs and trying to keep up to date with everyone's lives in my free time... came across this personality test on fuzz's site and decided to do it out of sheer boredom (and innate curiousity of course..!)... after all, i am slighty narcisistic! only slighty.... heh

YOU ARE:-

eXpressive: 7/10Practical: 7/10Physical: 4/10Giver: 6/10

You are a XPIG--Expressive Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Catch.You are a magazine-cover, matinee idol dreamboat. Parents love you and want to set you up with their kids. However, first dates are tough because it takes time for your qualities to come out. You are generous and kind. You think first and act later. You are cool in a conflict, but your practical side means if your partner throws out emotional appeals ("why can't we do what I want for a change?") they will grate on your nerves, even when the conflict is resolved. You're a romantic. You enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and you don't just fall into bed with anyone. You pay close attention to your significant other's needs, and this makes you an excellent lover and partner. The problem is that your friends and lovers may find it so easy to express things to *you* that they lose sight of whether you feel as comfortable with *them*! This doesn't necessarily make you feel under-appreciated -- you're too well-adjusted and self-aware for that -- but you may feel restless. Thus you seek adventure in your life outside the relationship to prove and actualize yourself. Of all the types, you would make the best parent. You are coiffed. Didja see "Big Fish"? 'Cause you're like Ewan MacGregor in "Big Fish."
Of the 235155 people who have taken this quiz, 9.3 % are this type.

I'm an X PIG?????? Too well-adjusted and self-aware to not feel under-appreciated?? yeah riiight... u can appreciate me anytime, and u'd better!!!

p.s: HERE's that damn test...

it's been a long time coming

2005-06-20T18:03:00.000+08:00

alrighty, i know, i know, it's been freaking ages since i last updated... everyone's asking me why i bothered to change my skin without bothering to update my posts... haha... typical lazy ol' me.. actually, i've been kinda busy......

did quite a few acting jobs for mediacorp over the last month including a cameo on a ch8 variety show (101 shopping) with patricia mok and bryan wong... both of whom were pretty friendly and completely natural with each other. and i did a pilot for ch5 in a new docu-drama series called tabloidTV but i have no idea when it's going to be aired if at all... anyways, doesn't bother me as long as i see the money i've been promised... :) but i guess the highlight of my acting stint has to be the 2-day shoot i did for MTV... it's an advert for their annual (or is it bi-annual?) VJ hunt and it's to be aired in Malaysia soon i think (just imagine the exposure!)... but i don't suppose i'll get to see it so if anyone manages to catch it, please let me know!!

for those of u wondering whether i've decided to do another year of school, well... i'm not! i've decided to break out from the drudgery of student life and start making some big bucks! heh.. well i'm not making that much money yet but i will, eventually... haha.. i'm working for a PR firm that's based in Singapore called Ubersprint and i'm actually having fun and learning stuff too!! this might be the case only cuz i've just started there and perhaps i'll see a huge pileup of work in the next month.. but til that time (if and when it arrives), i'm going to enjoy myself thoroughly.... :) [by the time some of u read this, i might have already become some complainsome bitch so pls excuse the blatant naiveity of that last statement]

anyways, guess that's all the update from me now... apart from the fact that i miss staying on my own (in hall) and the freedom that came with that, i'm moderately pleased with life at the moment. mom's in scotland/england, dad's in shanghai and i'm in bliss....

chocolate pocky sticks & night time shoots

2005-04-26T01:55:00.000+08:00

Oh geez... how long has it been? nearly 2 & 1/2 years since i last met the crew of mediacorp's channel 5 shoots... (i'm so, like, "seen-it-all-done-it-all"~!!) arasoo (cameraguy) and seah (logistics) look happy and well, as usual, and whilst alluding to subtle innuendos, they tell me how much i've grown up and slimmed down... all this on the crappy, mosquito-ridden outdoor set and me doing a bit part for 'missing', just because i'm kind of broke this month.. sigh... but though i know i vowed never to agree to a mediacorp job again because of the disgusting pay and the worse welfare, i'm pretty glad i got to see the crew again. they are the ones who make sucky environmental conditions, demanding directors and temperamental co-actors bearable with their jovial expressions and their "never-say-you're-gawd-awful-no-matter-how-many-takes" attitudes. Lord knows i could never have gotten through @moulmein high without them........

So after having spent a good 3hrs sitting in the back of a cab pretending to make out with a random guy, i left some old friends and headed to the nearest 7eleven to calm the monster in my stomach. as i step into the blast of the aircon unit, what catches my eye?!! it's Glico POCKY!! and then the cravings hit... "gotta have it, must have it... chocolate pocky sticks..." it's like a mantra running through my head as i make a round through the store and soon, nothing else looks remotely appetising... bleah.. so of course, i buy the pocky (2 boxes ONLY cuz it's on offer, yeah right...) and there goes tmw's lunch money.... (ok, i'm exaggerating here, but if u've ever been tight, u'd know what i mean...!)

As u see, i'm kind of in a middling place at the moment, not happy, not upset but in a sort of limbo... i'm starting to dread the career kick-start that's set for May... but at the moment, the studying's not really going anywhere, not appealing at all and i've resorted to accepting low-paying jobs for an excuse to get away from the books... so here i am.. with my daunting 2-exam papers-wednesday looming, my medical soci notes open in front of me like a fan... words blowing ceaselessly through (note: not INTO) my brain... and one hand stuck in a pack of skinny chocolate sticks... pocky, anyone?

cyberspace oddities

2005-01-31T02:59:00.000+08:00

this is really inconsistent of me... this blog has been sitting here, rotting and i've done NOTHING about it in the last 3 months...! school and rehearsals have been taking up most of my time recently and it's already getting to be a bit of a drag... we're only in the 4th wk of the term!!!!! oh help...
just signed up for a new personal arena in cyberspace: nicolealexandra.multiply.com
have u ever wondered what it is that possesses us to keep signing up for blog spaces and sites that "sell" you your very "own" space for all the world to see? maybe it's the fact that we feel the need to seem important to others, that the "exclusivity" of a space that is dedicated to you, and you alone, is highly appealing to the ego-centric nature hidden in each and every one of us; the fact that you would take up someone else's precious time whilst he/she is forced to read about your little life.
Renaissance, IP law, Dante, Medical Soci, Cultural Geog, Asians in the U.S...! just filed for graduation... can't wait to get out of this.
the workload's really getting to me...

2004-11-13T10:30:00.000+08:00

My sister, Danielle and I in Brisbane 2002

2004-11-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

in Raffles Hall 2002

my first post!

2004-11-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

happy as a lark with my new blog because my xanga one fell flat as a pancake... but it looks like it's going to be tough to upkeep/update this one as well though... what with my extremely busy work schedule... so then why would i want a blog space? hmmm...... guess the only explanation is that i habour narcissistic tendencies, which isn't too abnormal, really... oh, and just so i can have a not-so-private diary for all the world to see... very Victorian "my-private-memoirs-to-be-published-one-day" like, don't you think?!